As the Mother’s Day celebrations have wrapped up and the department store sales have ended, people are moving on to the next holiday. Mother’s Day is a time to honor all the mothers in our lives; but, not all mothers may have been celebrated – those who have lost their babies to miscarriage.
Many women feel they become a mother the second they see their positive pregnancy test. The title of mother is not taken away with the loss of a baby. There aren’t any cards for these mothers and they rarely receive flowers, but they are still mothers.
Society and Miscarriages
Society can be insensitive to mothers who have suffered a miscarriage. The flood of healthy babies born on social media posts, celebrity bump watches, and endless invitations to baby showers are constant reminders of what some women have lost. Personal comments, while in good nature, can also come off as hurtful when speaking to someone who has lost a baby.
This is a group many women did not ask to join. This is a group that knows the true meaning of heartbreak. This a group that often suffers in silence. This is a group of survivors. And most importantly, it is a group. Women who have experienced miscarriages should know that they are not alone.
The Emotional Effect
Women experience so many different emotions after losing a pregnancy. Guilt can be high on the list of emotions. Guilt for what could have been done differently, guilt for having so many emotions, or guilt for not feeling the way society expects us to feel. There is not a correct way to feel after having a miscarriage, the only true way is to cope in your own way.
There are many triggers for women who experience miscarriages and a well-meaning question can be one of them. Asking the woman in your life when she is going to have children may be the last thing she wants to hear. It is easy to forget that not all women without children have chosen this. Someone in your life may be struggling to have children and may not want to be asked when she is planning to start her family.
Miscarriages and Fibroids
Miscarriages can happen for a few different reasons, but none of them are the mother’s fault. Health conditions, like uterine fibroids, can sometimes affect a woman’s ability to become pregnant and carry a pregnancy to term. The size and location of your fibroids can sometimes affect fertility. There are a few reasons why fibroids could negatively impact pregnancy or fertility, they include:
- If the fibroid is closer to the middle of the uterus
- Subserosal and submucosal fibroids can interfere when they grow within the uterine cavity
- Larger fibroids can take blood flow away from a developing fetus
- Changes in the shape of the uterus can interfere with the movement of the sperm or embryo
- Fallopian tubes can be blocked by fibroids.
And fibroids aren’t the only reasons either. There are a multitude of conditions and issues that can cause miscarriage or infertility such as: genetic conditions, long-term health issues, polycystic ovarian syndrome, age, weakened cervix, etc. No matter the cause, a miscarriage can be difficult for the woman and her family.
This is why it is crucial that people should be empathetic when it comes to talking about a woman’s ability to conceive. Pregnancy and miscarriage can be sensitive topics; however, they shouldn’t be forgotten or ignored either.
You’re Never Alone
Becoming a mother is one of the most challenging things women can experience. This experience can be more difficult when the mother does not get the opportunity to take her baby home with her. These mothers deserve to be celebrated with all mothers, especially on Mother’s Day. Their celebrations may not look the same, but they are celebrations all the same.
To all mothers: you are warriors, but you are not facing this battle alone.